30th October 2006 (Nan Arayo!!)

Se7en
Nan Arayo

(featuring: Teddy)

Aye, straight up, there's only one boy that's holdin' it down
Yeah, ya'll already know who it is
(Guess who's back?) This time around,
We're gonna set the whole city on fire
(Ya boy is back) And you know who?
He's S-E-V-E-N, Get' Em!

Nareul irhoborin geudae shison
Machi dareun saramchorom boyo
Goodge oroborin geudae miso
Nae gaseumeun jongmal tojil gotman gata

Marhae bwa (modeun gol) mareul hae bwara
Nomogaryuhgo hajima
Doneun sogiryuh hajima
Hwaga na (modeun ge) nomu hwaga na
Uh ijeneun do isang chameul sooga obso

[CHORUS]
(Ijen) Nan arayo ee bami heureumyuhn
Geudae nal ddonandaneun goseul (naneun aro)
(Ijen) Nan arayo ee bami heureumyuhn
Geudael doo bon dashi bol soo obdaneun gol ara

(Ya boy is back to make ya break ya neck)
(Ya boy is back,) And it's who?
He's S-E-V-E-N

Doradanidon ni somoon
Midgo shipji anhjiman geudae mam ara
Naega boodami dwen saram
Nae gaseumeun jongmal tojil gotman gata

Ddonaga (ddonaga) geunyang ddonaga
Joheun yuhjareul mannaran
Niga joheun mal haji ma
Jalsara (jalsara) honja jalsara
Haneureul bomyuhnso noonmooreul heullyuhsso
Chameul sooga obso

[CHORUS]
(Ijen) Nan arayo ee bami heureumyuhn
Geudae nal ddonandaneun goseul (naneun aro)
(Ijen) Nan arayo ee bami heureumyuhn
Geudael doo bon dashi bol soo obdaneun gol ara

[RAP]
Idaero boryuhdoogo nal ddonagani
Don't walk away, please hold up, mommy
Heart breaker-breaker
Boosojineun nae mam ani no obshin
Jami ojil anha Need you by me
Non naui namja (waenyagoo?)
No man could ever freak you the way I do
Hwaga na gaseumi apawa nan chameul sooga obso

Noneun nomu nomu nomu nappo ~
Namgyojin jonhwa meshiji
Naneun naneun naneun nomu apo ~
Shipuhrohge mongdeun gaseum
Dan han gajiman aradwo ~
Ee sesang modeun yuhja geu joonge
No hanamaneul saranghaeddon nareul

[CHORUS]
(Ijen) Nan arayo ee bami heureumyuhn
Geudae nal ddonandaneun goseul (naneun aro)
(Ijen) Nan arayo ee bami heureumyuhn
Geudael doo bon dashi bol soo obdaneun gol ara

(Geudae) Wae mollayo nae mameul mollayo
Geudaebakke molladdon sarang
(Geudae) Wae mollayo jinshirhan nae mameul
Naneun ojik geudaemaneul saranghaessojjanha

like this And it's who? S-E-V-E-N

this song has been playin around in my head for quite a while now... i got the video first... then i finally got the mp3.. its a terrific song when u understand it... somehow we know when things are not the way they used to be.... it always goes like this..

first u get the feeling....
next u'll start to see signs that things are not what it seems...
then the reality starts to show and sink in....

Lee Hyori - Get Ya'
romanization by: La'MISS:fairy (also credit: aheeyah.com)

Ojik shisoneun jjalbeun chimaro geuge dayuhjji
Noreul woomjigil naui noraero noreul bakkwobwa
Ee mudae wie nae moseubeul bwa
Dashi nae soomi chaoneun ee soonganeul
yah yah yah yah yah yah yah
Nol barago issuh jogeumsshik byuhnhaegassuh
Nal boneun shisondeul I'm gonna get ya
Non wonhago issuh nae choome noreul matgyuh
Naega nol woomjikyuh I'm gonna get ya

Ojik shisoneun deuronaen oggae ijen kkeutnassuh
Dareun nareul bwa nareul miduhbwa nareul jikyuhbwa
Ee mudae wie nae moseubeul bwa
Dashi nae soomi chaoneun ee soonganeul
yah yah yah yah yah yah yah
Nol borigo issuh oneureun ne mamdaero
Naega nol taekhaessuh I'm gonna get ya
Nol ikkeulgo issuh ne mameun nae mamdaero
Nae ane gadhyussuh I'm gonna get ya

What they say nuga mworaedo sanggwanobso nal wonhamyuhn
Nol barago issuh jogeumsshik byunhaegassuh
Nal boneun shisondeul I'm gonna get ya
Non wonhago issuh nae choome noreul matgyuh
Naega nol woomjikyuh I'm gonna get ya
Nol borigo issuh oneureun ne mamdaero
Naega nol taekhaessuh I'm gonna get ya
Nol ikkeulgo issuh ne mameun nae mamdaero
Nae ane gadhyussuh I'm gonna get ya

Get Ya'
translation by: bangku (also credit: aheeyah.com)

Right now you are only looking at my short skirt.
I see a change in the way you move to my song.
On top of this stage you see my face.
Again I catch my breath for a second.
yah yah yah yah yah yah yah
I'm wishing for you. Bit by bit change came.
You see my gazes. I'm gonna get ya
You are desiring me. You put trust in my dance.
I'm swaying you. I'm gonna get ya

Now you stop only looking at my bare shoulder.
You see me differently. You believe you see me. You stare at me.
On top of this stage you see my face.
Again I catch my breath for a second.
yah yah yah yah yah yah yah
I'm leaving you alone. Today, follow your heart.
I picked you. I'm gonna get ya
I'm leading you. Your heart follows mine.
You're shut inside me. I'm gonna get ya

What they say. Who or what has nothing to do with it. When you want me.
I'm wishing for you. Bit by bit change came.
You see my gazes. I'm gonna get ya
You are desiring me. You put trust in my dance.
I'm swaying you. I'm gonna get ya
I'm leaving you alone. Today, follow your heart.
I picked you. I'm gonna get ya
I'm leading you. Your heart follows mine.
You're shut inside me. I'm gonna get ya

this is another song thats been in my head.... girls have been quite a problem for me... u cant live with em, u cant live without them.... its not so much as i have trouble making frenz with them.. i've accumulated quite a few good female frenz.. its tryin to have a relationship with em thats drivin me nuts sometimes... i guess thats the way somethings go... one minute they're all over ya, the next they're avoiding u as if ur the plague! a fren once told me, "take it easy my fren, let life flow naturally. things come and go at a certain pace. all u can do is wait for it. but keep ur eyes open coz u might never know what could be infront of u!"..... this fren of mine has a knack of making a lot of sense when im totally clueless... and for that i'm eternally thankful.. at least someone can make sense of this chaos that we call life...

well thts my ramblings for now.... more to come!!! a dios!!

20th November 2006 (Baby I Like You Like That)

man i dunno wats gotten into me... somehow i've become addicted to se7en and lee hyori songs.. its kinda creepy.. and somehow i've started to take a liking to dancing too.. copying se7en's dance moves.. hahaha i know i must look like crap but i still do it... haha my body feels stiff tho... might as well start exercisng and stretching my body every now and then.... i guess its worth the try... i've always wanted to learn how to dance... haha better late than never...

i've always been in awe of people who can actually dance... i've been to so many parties but i havent danced... not even once.. i know, i know thats so wierd right?

i tried a few moves yesterday and somehow it felt good... now i kinda get the idea of what i've been missing out all these years.... maybe i'll keep this up as a hobby... its one of the only things that relaxes me... so i might as well keep it up...

so for now i'll just keep on downloading dancing videos and try out the moves for now... hahaha... thats it for now peeps... a dios~~

3rd October 2006(Evolution Part IV - Its a Time For Action)

well right now i have a lot on my mind.....

one is the biz project i'm negotiating... i knew there was goin to be alot to do but the authorities arent makin it easier for me.... i really really hate the beauracaracy crap they're giving me.....

the other thing is that once again i'm having mixed feelings on what i REALLY want to accomplish b4 i expire... sum ppl r just so damn pesimistic that they just dun believe in miracles... its kinda gettin on my nerves... they feel like they know everything but in true fact, they dont unless they have done it themselves.... even if they did, they give up and dun learn from their mistakes.... whats up with that?!

there r like a million opportunities in Brunei but they just dismiss it without considering it! i guess some people are just meant to stay the way they r for the rest of their life.... ppl keep on sayin that its hard to do this, hard to do that.... but hav they really tried it? nope! it sorta bothers me when i think about them.... they try to pin guilt on me for not being like them.... they make it seem like a sin to wanna try something new...

but i learned the hard way that opportunities r there when u r brave enuf to sieze them... i missed a lot of good things due to fear... brunei still has a lot of untapped potential that can be used... i consider it a blessing to this country that there r people in this country that have the guts to move forward and make something of themselves.. it shows that we bruneians are worth something... we bruneians are more than justs ppl who take things that we have now for granted...

where was that fire that we used to have? didnt one of our brunei sultan conqured most of south east asia? all of us have that spirit within us... all we have to do is tap into it....

i plan to take brunei into the future... to make it prosper as it did in the old days.... and there r ord like minded ppl around me... we seize the opportunities by the neck and choke it till we get it!!

actions speak louder than words... but combine action and words together, you will have something more... i thank god for giving me a mind, i thank god for giving me life.... i'm eternally grateful for it... and i wont just waste it.... god, give me strength to go through the obstacles in front of me... god, give me strength to do what i must do....

for those of you out there.... open ur mind... open ur heart... utilise ur mind... listen to ur heart... you only have one life to live... dun waste it... thank you for reading this....

1st October 2006(Evolution Part III-Blogging Lessons)

people nowadays.... i read a few blogs during the past few weeks and i'm quite dissappointed actually.... some people just cant blog properly... i know this might sound arrogant but seriously, when i want to read someone's account of things, i want to be able to read it and understand it.... i dun want to read it and try to decifer the code in which it is written in.... some blogs are just so badly written that half the time i'm trying to understand what they're trying to say...... i mean really, i care enuf to read what they write but they just dun care enuf to actually make it readable.... and just for that, i've made a list of how to write a proper blog.....

1. it should contain understandable english and slangs
2. at least some form of structure is needed , haphazard writing should be avoided
3. some use of grammar would be preferrable
4. try to organize the blog into sections or just break them up so that they can be read easily
5. dont clutter your posts with too many symbols or item

for examples in writing a good blog, i suggest you guys refer to my friends blogs, sham @ NEO or Ali... they've got really nice blogs as far as i can see.. you can find em in my friendster list.... well thats it for now

20th September 2006 (Evolution Part II - Lonely in Gorgeous~~)

well well well... part II of the blog..... sorry it took too long... hahaha! i discovered a new thing i like.... its an anime on tv right now.. paradise kiss... my taste in anime is very... how can i out it.... peculiar... very few animes catch my attention.. and this one has gotten me hooked... it was the theme song that got me interested... lonely in gorgeous by Tommy February6..... some people might think the anime strange but it has some thing that caught my attention... i still dont know what it is..... here are the lyrics of the song...

Lonely in Gorgeous - Tommy February6

Gozen reiji, tobidashita

Tobira wo ketobashite

Garasu no kutsu ga warete

Doresu mo yabureta

Nee akirete iru n' deshou?

Oikaketemo konai

Namida ga afurete

Mou hashirenai wa...

Jerashii kamo... se-tsu-na-i...!!

"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...

Party night...I'm Breaking my heart

Imasugu mitsukete dakishimete hoshii

Heddoraito ga hikaru

...where are you Bad boy?

Ai no Sukaafu de namida wo fuite

Nani mo mienai

Hoshikuzu wo kakiatsume

Anata ni butsuketai

Naze kamau no?

Jibun shika ai senai kuse ni...

Shitsuren kamo... maji na no...?!

"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...

Party time...umaranai

Anata ga inai to karappo na sekai

Yume no tsudzuki ga mitai

"I miss you Bad boy"

Kirameki no naka ni tojikomenaide

Kowarete shimau wa

"Lonely in Gorgeous"

I'm Breaking my heart

Where are you Bad boy?

"Lonely in Party night"

"Lonely in Gorgeous"

I'm Breaking my heart

I miss you Bad boy

"Lonely in Party time"

"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...

Party night...waraenai

Nani mo iranai tada soba ni ite

"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...

Party night...

I'm Breaking my heart

Anata ga nokoshita

Kirameki no hako no naka de

Kodoku wo daite ugokenai

Nani mo iranai no tada soba ni ite

Hizamazuite watashi wo mite

Ai wo chikatte

English translation:

At midnight, I rushed out

I kicked the door,

My glass slipper broke,

and I also tore my dress

Hey, it's disgusting, isn't it?

Even if I chase you, you won't come

Tears fill up my eyes

and I can't run anymore

Maybe it's jealousy... I'm s-a-d...!!

"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...

Party night...I'm Breaking my heart

I want you to find me and hold me now

My headlights are shining

...where are you Bad boy?

I wipe away my tears with the scarf of love

and I can't see anything

I want to gather up the stardust

and throw them at you

Why should I care?

You can't love anyone but yourself...

Maybe it's heartbreak... For real...?!

"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...

Party time...I won't bury it

When you're not here, it's an empty world

I want to see the continuation of the dream

"I miss you Bad boy"

I won't be locked up in the glitter,

I'll break it down

"Lonely in Gorgeous"

I'm Breaking my heart

Where are you Bad boy?

"Lonely in Party night"

"Lonely in Gorgeous"

I'm Breaking my heart

I miss you Bad boy

"Lonely in Party time"

"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...

Party night...I can't laugh

I don't need anything, just stay by my side

"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...

Party night...

I'm Breaking my heart

In the sparkling box

You left behind,

I held my loneliness and can't move

I don't need anything, just stay by my side

Get down on your knees, look at me,

and swear you love me.

Tommy is actually a girl.. very cute i must say for a girl who styles herself as a nerd.... hahaha that sounds so perverted....

anyway, my life has definitely changed quite a bit over the past few weeks... and i kno there are more changes to come soon... talked to a friend of mine a couple of days ago on MSN... he said to me "you better get yourself a girl quick man".... to most people that might sound like peer pressure but its not... he knows what im goin thru.... amidst all the work and projects, i've sort of forgotten about girls.... the loneliness is still there but with me being preoccupied with other things, its been set aside... but i kno that once i have free time, the loneliness will start to kick in..... sigh.... at the moment, all i can do is keep my eyes open.... with the waythings are going now, i dont know what is in store for me in the future... so well just wait and see...

my friend and i began to talk about the projects i'm doing and i just found out that i can actually help his dad out.... at this moment in time, i'm still in negotiations but truth be told i know its a done deal... i have to keep my chin up, back straight and move forward..... take nomore bullshit or crap from any posers.... a lot of people are counting on me.... cant let anything take my focus away... i have to be..... fearless.....

Jay Chou
Huo Yuan Chia(Fearless)

he ming you ji hui he

lei tai deng zhe
sheng si zhuang
ying liao shen me

leng xiao zhe
tian xia shui de
di yi you ru he
zhi gan ge
wo bei shang wu de

wo de
quan jiao liao de
que nai he
tu zeng xu ming yi ge
jiang hu nan ce
shui shi qiang zhe
shui zheng yi tong wu lin de zi ge

xiao cheng li sui yue liu guo qu
qing che de yong qi
xi di guo de hui yi
wo ji de ni
jiao ao de huo xia qu

huo huo huo huo
huo huo huo huo
huo jia quan de tao lu zhao shi ling huo

wo wo wo wo
wo wo wo wo

huo zhe sheng ming jiu gai wan zheng du guo

wo wo wo wo
wo wo wo wo

guo cuo ruan ruo cong lai bu shu yu wo

huo huo huo huo
huo huo huo huo

wo men jing wu chu shou wu ren neng duo

.................................................................................................................... i have no more stuff to say now......... well ppl... thats the end of part II.... to be continued.....

16th September 2006(Evolution)

hello peeps..... i dunno why i'm writing right now..... all my other posts were written for a reason.... i couldnt even decide wat title to put on this one... so i just put a name of a song by ayumi hamasaki...

i dont know what i'm feeling right now.... shud i continue writing this? maybe.... there's something that i cant put my finger on thats bugging me..... and i've been contemplating this for quite a while... remember me saying about da void in my soul?? right now i'm not sure wat it wants right now.... everyday passes, with stuff to do but ........ i wonder sometimes....... is this wat i want? am i fulfilling my purpose or someone else's purpose? i've got my friends.... i've got my money... i've got material things.... i've got dreams.... but in the end..... is that all? there's got to be more to life than just living and then dying..... i kno i might sound like i'm talking nonsense but.... thats wat i feel right now.... to tell u da truth..... i want to die..... haha dont worry! i'm not suicidal but i wonder about wat happens after you die.... is there really something waiting for me there? there's talk of heaven and hell... there's talk of reincarnation... maybe wat i'm feeling right now is one of those phases that people go thru at least once in their life... the feeling of unfulfillment.... the disatisfaction of just merely living..... had a talk a few days ago with my friend about life in general.... what he said got me thinking about my life, what i've done and my plans.... he said life is full of uncertainty.... all u can do is make the most of it and take in the good.... u cant judge people from just one point of view... people are unpredictable... people can hurt others... people can make others happy.... sigh..... at this moment in time, i believe in god..... i really do... this is the only certain thing i know.... people may mock or be surprised at the changes they see... its understandable... people judge u from your past actions... they dont know what i'm going thru right now... only 2 know... my friend and god..... he was quite surprised to hear it..... he knows wat i must do.... wat i can do is evolve.... hah! i'm taking the title into account now... yes... evolution.... i need to become more than just human... not a god but just more.... i want to break free from my constraints that i have right now..... i still yet to achieve freedom in my perspective... hah, i might sound like a blasphemer.... talking about beeing something more than wat god has created himself.... but in the book of god it also says that god is all giving to his servants.... so maybe it is possible.........


well i gtg.... got to do stufff.... part 1 complete... still more to do.... see ya for now...

10th September 2006 (Play that funky music white boy!!)

yes you read the title right... found an old cd amongst some of my newer cd collections... "songs from ping's laptop" was engraved in white-out on the top of da cd... hehe... so being curious as ever, i popped da cd in and lo and behold, this song gets played!!! i forgot how fun this song was!! me and ajib actually made a theme song for lei with this song!!

Play that funky music

Yeah hey
Hey

Once there was a boogie singer
Playing in a rock and roll band
I never had no problems, yeah
burnin'out the one night stands
And everything around me
Got to start to feeling so low
And I decied quickly, yes is did
To disco down and check out this show

Yeah there was dancing
And singing
And moving to the grooving
And just when it hit me
Somebody turned around
And shouted

Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down the boogie and play that funky music til you die
Til you die?
(Yeah)
Oh til you die

I tried to understand this
I thought that they where out of their minds
How could I be so foolish, how could I
To not see I was the one behind
So still I kept on fighting
Loosing every step of the way
(And what you do?)
I said I must go back there, got to go back
And check to see if things still the same

Yeah there were dancing
And singing
And moving to the grooving
And just when it hit me
Somebody turned around
And shouted

Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down the boogie and wear that funky music til you die
Til you die?
(Yeah)
Oh til you die

Hey, wait a minute
Now first it wasn’t easy
Changing rock and roll and minds
And things where getting shaky
I thought I had to leave it behind
Now its so much better, it’s so much better
I’m funkying out in every way
But I’ll never lose that feeling, no I won’t
On how I learned my lesson that day

Yeah there were dancing
And singing
And moving to the grooving
And just when it hit me
Somebody turned around
And shouted

Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down the boogie and play that funky music til you die
Til you die?
(Yeah)
Oh til you die

Thay shouted
Play that funky music
Play that funky music
Play that funky music
Play that funky music

Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy


hahahahaha!!!! this song still sounds good!!! played this song over and over in da car as loud as i could!! tapping my fingers, movin to the beat and singing along... i got weird looks from the people in the other cars but who cares!! and they were dancin, and singing, and movin to the grooving, and just when it hit me, somebody turned around and shouted, play that funky music white boy!~~~~~~ huahahahahahaha!!!!!

dat was the first time in weeks i was actually enjoying a song...... most of the songs that i listen to r like fast and loud... its kinda nice to go old school once in a while.... hehehe!!! i'll be playin this song for a good while in my car....

a good few hours ago, i had a chat with a very old friend of mine... turns out he's been readin my blogs (yay!) and checkin up on the stuff happenin back here... apparently, some of my blogs r so mixed up that he got some of the facts of my stories wrong... for the rest of you unknown readers out there, please leave comments if you find my blogs hard to follow.... i luvveeeeeee comments.... hahaha!!! makes me feel that i'm actually contributing something by writing these posts...

for this post i'm gonna steer away from my love life and write about other stuff thats been goin on... frankly i'm kinda sick and tired of writing about it, it doesnt make me feel any better.... so might as well just forget bout it for now... anyway~~~~

i have been officially appointed as....*drum roll* president of the bowling club!!!! unfortunately, due to the upcoming festivities and ramadhan, i shall have to postpone any activities till next semester... but i will hold a get together for new and old AJKS at bowling utama this sem... just need to figure out when.. lol!

i'm sooo glad i decided to stick around in brunei... even tho i'm gonna miss my classmates who r going off to UK in a few days, the new friends i made will somehow compensate for them.... class has been somehow extremely fun!! basically, for the first time in uni ever, i am liking wat i'm learning!!! financial management, business research methods, MIT, programming and business systems analysis!! i get to go back to wat i loved to do as a kid, learning about business and workin on computers!! programming class was a breeze!! VB is soooo easy nowadays... last time i did VB was when i was 17 and it was using the old software... now its damn easy... hahaha!!! BSA isnt too hard too, since most of the stuff in da course i've learned while i was in JIS!!! business reasearch methods was a tricky one at first but somehow i managed to get a solid picture of what the lecturer wants me to learn... financial management is sooo muchhhh funnnnnn!!! the lecturer's way of teaching is soo similar to a friend of mine.. hehehe!!! besides, i get to swear in his class!!! huahaha!!! MIT... need i say more??? its basically FIS and MIS rolled into 1... *yawn* been there, done that!!

there's this quote that one of my lecturers imparted with me in a lecture, "unlearn the past, invent the future"..... i've been reading thru my older blogs... i sounded like a freakin brat!! its to late to delete the posts anyway so i just keep them as a reminder of how stupid and foolish i was back then.... a very painful reminder.... with the words of wisdom imparted upon me, i shall unlearn my past and invent my future... there is so much us humans can do when we put our heart and soul into it... truth be told, humans are capable of changing... it just takes time... dats all.... i used to think i was already mature... but i was wrong.... even at this moment in time, i dont think i'm mature yet... maturity is a state of mind... its not dependent on age, gender or anythin... its hard to explain, yet easily recogniseable....

well..... i'm beat.... besides i'm fasting rite now.. hahaha.. well, its off to bed now!!!! hahahahah!!!!! thats it people, party is over!!!! adios!!

28th August 2006 (The Dilemma)

i'm at crossroads..... or maybe its the shisha gettin to my head..... lol! but seriously.... i bet you ppl must have experienced what i'm experiencing rite now.... the sense of elation of seeing someone even if its just a name on a screen... even for a few seconds.... the sense of anticipation of the next time you cross paths.... the enigma of online based relationships.... close yet far... intimitate yet vague.... well its happened to me... i dunno how and why but its happened....

it all started off with just a friendly game among strangers..... a meeting of chance.... we soon started to talk more... played more games... departed after exchanging contacts... thought nothing of it.... no harm done right? what are the chances of meeting up and talking again? very slim.. but it happened... we played again... this time for a long period.... a lot more talking... a lot more laughs... it must have been at least 5 hours that we played... maybe it was more.. i couldnt feel the time... it just wizzed by.... after the fourth time..... things got serious.... we continued playin together.... even though my friends and ger friends were around and calling us for a game... we went on our way... it was strange at first but it soon felt soooo right... we became a great combination.... when playing with others around we showed our best game but between ourselves, we just relaxed and had fun.... even though we havent meet face to face, we felt like we know each other well enough... whenever the other is online, it only takes a few seconds before a simple "hi!" pops up... she went online just to look for me.. and so did i.... then she did something out of the blue... she saw that my character didnt have much items to show for, so she gave me a gift... quite an expensive gift... it caught me by surprise.... all i could say was thank you... to most people, that would have been the end of it... she would have just disappeared or completely ignored me most of the time.... but.... it still went on.... she gave me the gift on saturday and said she'll see me next friday..... but on monday... she went online at her cousin's house, even though she didnt need to, and came looking for me for a few games.... luckily i just signed in at the same time... her presence caught me by surprise... but alas, i had to decline because i had things to do... secretly i wished i didnt have to go but, duty calls... when i finally finished, i went back online to look for her but to no avail... she went offline.... but she left a msg behind, "i'll see you this friday ya?? bye2!!"..... haiiiiiii........ why cant i wait??? i cant even be bothered to play games without her around....

the gift.... the attention.... is it all just plain... friendship? maybe... being a pessimist myself, i cant see any of this meaning anything.... a part of me want to believe.... is it wrong??? thats the dilemma....

"Can't Wait" - Yuki Hsu & Yoo Seung Jun

When I hear your voice over the line.
All I wanna do is to keep you on my mind.
I only had one thought. How long?

Don't wanna play the fool.
How did we end up like this baby?
Just wanna play it cool.
I knew I'd always promise.
Won't you tell me baby boo what you want what you need maybe,
I'll be the one that you need till I die baby.
Let me tell you about the things that you don't realize,
so let me televize my love so you can fantasize.
Conjuction-Function but look at the situation.
Don't waste time let's have a conversation.
It's kind of sad but that's our only option.
Let's keep it down low till I get there uh

Yuki :
Lian er duo dou zhong la
hua shuo tai duo sheng yin dou ya le
bao zhe dian hua you dian ai kun hai she bu de gua

Yeah,that's how it is ,as I keep on reminess,
you know I keep it real oh yes
we've got to deal with this, but I'm sick of this, bullshit
acting stupid for the Show-biz Gee-whiz
but wait I'll be there, when I'm done with this

Yuki :
Wo zuo tian shui tai wan xiang ni xiang dao san dian ban
zao shang cong cong mang mang wang de wang xing guo de yi tuan luan
hen rong yi bu nai fan
zong xian shi zhong zou de na me man
xiang you ping chang xin tan lian ai you dian nan

Xian zai jiu xiang ma shang jian dao ni jiu xiang ma shang kao zhe ni
bie shuo yi tian jiu lian yi miao dou kuai deng bu ji
ni shuo ni ye ke wang jiang re qing zu yi suo huo jian na kuai di
sui ran kua zhang hai shi gan jue tian mi mi

My heart is always with you even though we're apart baby.
I know you're sad and blue but that can't take us apart.
Get away from the dark baby come and see the light.
Yuki,in my dream I could with in my Mitsubishi.
But times going, going are gone it's gone
like the wind that can't stop, but stop not at the bus stop,
you and my drop top.
Yeah put time in lock.That's right.
You and me baby messing around in the parking lot.

Xiang zhu wo

Don't wake me up.
Take the time to explain my mind ???

Gen zhu wo

You so fine I wanna make you mine

Zhi xiang yong yuan zai yi qi

Can you be with me?
Live in luxury,and we be making precious history.
I keep your picture by my bed so I can know you're in my head.
Take my hand by your hand,and I will always be your man.
You gotta trust in me like I would trust in you,
Baby close your eyes and my love will see you through.

Yuki :
Zong you ren bu xian fan
zhao ni you guo lai da shan
mei ci dou hui rang wo te bie xiang ni jue de hao gu dan
yao yuan de ju li jiu you bu an duo zai xin li zhuan
jin ye yue liang wan wan xin qing you dian lan

Xian zai jiu xiang ma shang jian dao ni jiu xiang ma shang bao zhe ni
bie shuo yi tian jiu lian yi miao dou kuai deng bu ji
deng dai dui ai lai shuo xiang ku xi
que yong you shen qi de mo li ta
hao rang jian mian zai tian ye dou bu hui mi

If you keep this in your mind, we will make it through this time.
You will find, it's a sign, it's written in my rhyme.
Even though we are apart, you are always in my heart.
Honey stay with me forever and through any thing endeavor.
Can we make it through this phase,
I will see you through this maze.
If you put your faith in me,happy ending it will be.
That's a promise Yuki,have a little patience,
and in time, you'll see.

hhmmmmm................ even i myself is unsure of hat is going to happen in the future.... in my last post i mentioned a new chapter, a new beginning... the girl in that post has not said or done anything.... am i to blame? i suppose yes.... but its still left to time... only time can tell... on one hand, there's this blossoming friendship... on the other hand, there's this fading, almost non existent relationship... which would you choose???

Ni Bu Zai (You Are Not Here)

Dang shi jie zhi sheng xia zhe chuang tou deng
Ni na bian shi zao chen yi jing chu men
Wo ce shen gan dao ni zai zhuan shen
Wu shu mo shen ren
Zheng zai deng xia yi ge lu deng
Yi zai cuo shi bi ci cui ruo de shi fen
Bu guo ke wang yi ge wen de yu wen
Wo guan le deng
Hei an ba wo bing tun

Ni bu zai
Dang wo zui xu yao ai
Ni que bu zai
Wu ji deng dai xiang du bai de nan ai

Ni bu zai
Gao xing hai shi bei ai
Ni dou bu zai
Wo shou le shang zai tou tou hao qi lai
Dan ni bu zai
Bu zai

Shi jian zai an xia xu duo ci kuai men
Chen muo li ting jian zhuan dong de miao zhen
Yi ge ren chi fan zhe ge qing chen
Gu du yi ren fen
Ni di shen shuo ni you bie ren
Wo de hua tong zhi you zi ji de ti wen
Zen yang ren zhen ye bu yi ding cheng zhen
Ni shuo de dui
Wo bu de bu cheng ren

Na xie yao bai
Wo dou ming bai
Dou ming bai
Dan ni bu zai
Ai yi bu zai
Bu zai

Ni bu zai
Dang wo zui xu yao ai
Ni que bu zai
Yi ge ren fen shi liang jiao de lian ai

Ni bu zai
Gao xing hai shi bei ai
Ni dou bu zai

Xiang kong qi ban bu cun zai de cun zai
Zai mei you hen ji de ai
Ni bu zai
Dang wo xu yao ni de ai
Ni bu zai

You are not here..... thats why this has happened... i'm being pulled away... is this what you want?!?! misscalls are not replied, eye contact avoided....... again, only time can tell..... its not your choice, mine or anyone..... all we can do is wait......... if it were up to me i'd rather stay with you dear...... hmmmmmm....... time moves slowly for those who wait...... and i have been waiting for a long time........ my god..... why is this happening to me....... please... i beg of you... please give me peace of heart, mind and soul.... i feel that i dont have much time left in this world..... its the feeling that only the individual themselves can feel..... please.........

26th August 2006 "I'm fed up!"

i'm fed up.... thats the title of a song by a french singer, Alizee... in french they say j'en ai marre... listening to it, it gave me some truth about somethings in my life.... the song is sang for and meant for girls... here's the full lyrics of it..

Bubbles and water
Legs up for hours
My goldfish is under me
To bathe for hours
Makes my mouth water
I’m “foamely” ecstatic

It’s not a problem
I lazy ‘round
Bubbly and stubborn
I lazy ‘round
Melon and water
Is just a dream
It makes me wonder
Is it a “sin” ?

Bubbles and water
Legs up for hours
“Bombs”, you keep away from me!

Today lying low
Twisting up my toes
I swim in such harmony
So what bothers me:

Chorus :
I’m fed up with loneliness
With my uncle overstressed
Fumbling, crawling for something
That never shows, just a dream.
I’m fed up with creeps crying
Over the past, such a sin
Not to be cool, but a fool
If I could mess up their rules.
I’m fed up with your complaints
Baby, well I’m not a saint!
Fed up with the rain, the plane…
That makes me throw up again.
I’m fed up with all cynics
Bathing caps and all critics
I’m fed up with being fed up! Poor me !

Bubbles and water
Legs up for hours
My goldfish still under me!
Delight of pleasures
Aquatic treasures
A place out of misery, my fantasy

Chorus :
I’m fed up with loneliness
With my uncle overstressed
Fumbling, crawling for something
That never shows, just a dream.
I’m fed up with creeps crying
Over the past, such a sin
Not to be cool, but a fool
If I could mess up their rules.
I’m fed up with your complaints
Baby, well I’m not a saint!
Fed up with the rain, the plane…
That makes me throw up again.
I’m fed up with all cynics
Bathing caps and all critics
I’m fed up with being fed up! Poor me !

I’m fed up with loneliness
With my uncle overstressed
Fumbling, crawling for something
That never shows, just a dream.
I’m fed up with creeps crying
Over the past, such a sin
Not to be cool, but a fool
If I could mess up their rules.
I’m fed up with your complaints
Baby, well I’m not a saint!
Fed up with the rain, the plane…
That makes me throw up again.
I’m fed up with all cynics
Bathing caps and all critics
I’m fed up with being fed up!

well, at first glance it might seem like a very dirty song... to be honest, i practically laughed when i heard the english version of this song.. the french one sounded nicer but since i was curious of what she was singing about... well you get the picture.... lol! for all of you out there who cant be bother to contemplate what i meant about the truths about this song... it would be my pleasure to enlighten you... the important piece of the song is the chorus... notice that the chorus is sang over and over? once you read it over, its not that hard to realise the meaning of it... i'm fed up with being fed up.... its about someone who is fed up with people judging, criticising, forcing someone to do things that they dont want to... its also about being able to be who you are and making people understand that you are what you are.... nothing could change that.... unless god wills it....

for all of you who were curios enough to check this song out... the video is pretty sexy and hot... i mean seriously hot.... turns out this girl alizee is actually quite young and quite married at the age of 22...with one kid mind you... what makes it even wierder is that a fren of mine did mention her name to me a few years back... quite a coincedence eh?

even though the song is clearly meant for girls, i cant help but feel that i have the same point of view... why do people criticise? why do people judge? why do people force? is it our nature to have that sort of tendencies towards others? why do we tend to try our best to affect others to bend to our will?? i've met and known people who are like that... they live by the rule "its my way or the highway"....their reasons for doing so? "do onto other before it is done onto you".... so does that mean, you must do harm to other before they can do harm to you?? thats a question no one can answer... humans are very complicated creatures... some people do the darnest things to get attention... the stunt done onto me left me speechless... i still cant comprehend her feelings... is it mere coincedence? i hope so... i dont like being the cause of pain... it weighs on my soul like an anchor... bringing me down...the seven sins.. superbia (hubris/pride), avaritia (avarice/greed), luxuria (extravagance, later lust), invidia (envy), gula (gluttony), ira (wrath), and acedia (sloth)... i've done my best to curb these from myself... being reserved.. as my mother would say, " dont be so kepoh about other people! mind your own business!".... i try to keep my nose clean.... when people are busy doing something or are with someone, i leave them be... turns out some people get the wrong picture... they tend to label me as being cold, hostile, offensive.... it cant be helped no matter how much i try.... we are human, thus we act like so....

my life now, is pretty calm.... managable responsibilities... relaxed life... however there is still an emptyness inside of me... a longing as some people would describe it... the need to have someone special in your life... its the kind of thing that cant be ignored cause it will literally eat your soul... some people say i'm too picky... i have to agree with them... when i dont the slightest feeling of love for them, it would just be a kind of torture for both sides... knowing that that person doesnt love you and the fact that that person is in love with someone else... i'm the kind of person who would do anything for that special person... not caring the price or suffering i have to go thru... the greatest gift i can give is my undivided attention.. not money, not luxury... i have a confession to make, here and now.... the reason why i left my ex was because she didnt want my attention... she was in pain of a headache.. i wanted to comfort her and help ease the pain anyway i can... but... she brushed me off.. when i got close she just ran away from me... imagine the one you care about practically running away from you and strongly refusing your help... now imagine that happening 3 times in a row... thats what happened.... i couldnt take it.. so, i broke it off... some people thought it was harsh.. even my mother thought so... but when you think about, if this is going to happen often in the future, which option would you choose?? living together, knowing that problems like this will be recurring and being powerless against it? i would suppose you could choose a fate other than that.... however, thats not to say that she was the only one at fault.... i too was at fault... my method of breaking up with her was harsh... i gave her the coldest treatment ever... i did not smile, i did not speak, i did not say hi, i did not do anything with her, towards her... nothing.... i can only imagine how bad i broke her heart... she wrote me a letter and included some pictures of us together.... i didnt read the letter for months nor did i look at the pictures.. all i could picture was her, running away from me.... everytime i saw that, rage boiled inside me.... finally, one of my frenz decided to open the letter and read it to me... out of impulse of rage, i burnt the letter and the pictures.... yes... i burnt them... stupid me... all i have left of our relationship was a shirt she gave me and a ring with an engraving on it... both gifts lost.... do i have regrets? yes i do, who wouldnt? she was a beautiful girl but she was not destined to be with me... after breaking up and it still holds until now... i have not been able to have a serious relationship... i have some speculation as to what might cause it but i'm still not sure... hav i been cursed? maybe.. it is gods punishment for treating my ex? maybe... now the feeling of longing is gnawing at my soul..... me being unable to quench it.....

as i write these words on this page, i keep on thinking about things that have gone in the past... the brave things, the sweet things, the stupid things.... thinking about how i couldve done better at this or that.... thinking about how i couldve prevented things from happening... thinking about the different life i would lead.... my times of need, my times of joy, my times of sadness.... these past few days have been very eventful... there is a special someone out there that made me write this post.... have i caused you pain?? have i been cold to you?? i dont mean to be like that!!! even now i'm still unsure whether or not it is really my fault... the truth is... i'm scared and angry at the sametime... angry at the fact that you didnt tell me in my face... scared of the fact that it is my fault to begin with.... the question is... do you want me, or dont you? i still want you and i always will.... the proof? i've not tried to or attempted to go out with another girl ever since i met you.... most of my frenz say its best to move on and i've tried.... god knows i've tried.... tried hanging out with more and more people.. i've tried not caring what you do and what your activities are.... but i still cant block you out... finally i just gave up blocking... gave up not thinking bout you...... i just cant... silently, i watch... this song reminds me of you...

You're just too good to be true
I can't keep my eyes off you
You feel like heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much

At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off you

Pardon the way that I stare
There's nothing else to compare
The sight of you makes me weak
There are no words left to speak

But if you feel like I feel
Please let me know that it's real
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off you

I love you, baby
And if it's quite all right
I need you, baby
To warm the lonely nights
I love you, baby
Trust in me when I say
Oh, pretty baby
Don't bring me down, I pray
Oh, pretty baby
Now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby
Let me love you

You're just too good to be true
I can't keep my eyes off you
You feel like heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much

At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off you

I love you, baby
And if it's quite all right
I need you, baby
To warm the lonely nights
I love you, baby
Trust in me when I say
Oh, pretty baby
Don't bring me down, I pray
Oh, pretty baby
Now that I found this day
Let me love you, baby
Let me love you

to those of you who are curious as to who this girl is.... that i shall not reveal.... time will do that... its time to start a new chapter.... whether this girl wants to be a part of it or not is entirely up to her... there is a fair chance that she might be reading this.... considering that we know each other... if you are reading this, know this... it was you who chose to remain frenz, i try to offer help anyway i can but most of the time it is refused, i try to get to know you but you refuse to talk, i gave misscalls but most of the time they're not returned, i gave msgs but they were not replied.... i'm constantly reminded of you... i need you... i've always needed you..... if this blog does not get aired, that would mean that i'm just too scared.. but if this blog does get published, that means i hope for the girl to give me a sign... anything... i want to be a part of her life... this post might be the corniest thing i've ever written EVER but thats just how i am.. a hopeless romantic... i hope to hear from you dear..... i really do.................................

28th Januray 2006 (The Dream is Everything!!)

i've got it!!! i've really got it!!! i've got my dream!! i know what i want!! i know how to get it!!! it's go time!! its do time!!! it's time for 30days of rejection!! 30 days of tiredness!!! some quit!! others go diamond!!!

meeting peter cox for the first time is one hell of a experience that can't be described in words.. it was one of those moments where you have an out of body experience... where you can actually feel what he's telling you... you can feel his words... you can imagine yourself in his place... what if i did this, what if i did that... what if i succeed?! you wont know till you try... you wont know till you pay the price...

i won't wait for people to believe in my dream!! not my brother, not my friends, no one!!!!! it's MY dream!!!! i wan't my dream so bad it hurts.... thats why i don't care whether or not my partners are with me or not... i'll do it anyway... it's ME... to hell with people who let their dreams slip away because of circumstances.. A man with a dream will not be denied!!!! i will not be denied of my dreams!!! its is my right!!! a right given by god!!! to live a free life!!! to live in freedom!!!! god put us on each to achieve great things!!! and i plan to complete it!!!

what are you waiting for!?!?!?