16 May 2005 (The Long Holiday)

*sigh*.... i cant beleive i've been in uni 4 a year ord... its like a dream u kno... its like waking up and realising that ur all grown up and cant do watever u like anymore... u've got work, responsibilities... *sigh*... now is da last day to stay at the hostel and i have to pack up my stuff... i've just realized dat i havent been home for quite a while now... ever since i've been at the hostel, i've only gone home 4 times (minus the december break)... i wonder how the house cat is... i've got 2 take his picture again.. hehehe.. he's so lovable... now i'll finally get 2 catch up on my tv shows on astro.. yay!!! discovery travel and living, here i come!!! if i cant go to places, at least i can see wat its like... i dunno how many of u out there (yes i mean u who's reading this right now!) reads any of this crap that i write but i thank you from the bottom of my heart.. no seriously, i mean it.. anyone who would take their time to read sum1 else's heart pourin blogs or postings has 2 be a good person.. yes yes u may dismiss it as curiousity or u wanted 2 see if u were mention or if ur just looking 4 gossip, deep down u kno dat u sorta feel wat the writer is feeling, their pain, happiness, anger, anguish... and for that i salute u all... 4 me it doesnt really matter if anyone reads any of this... this is the only place where i can pour out all my feelings, no censors... of course i do give discretion 4 somethings but most if not all of my postings here is 99.99% accurate and raw... just like sushi.... hehehe... to tell u da truth, i get this feelin dat some ppl cant seem 2 warm up 2 me 4 some reason... ah, maybe its jus me... this academic year has wizzed by in a flash.. but no matter how many people i meet, i still feel dat somethings missin.. its all fine and dandy meeting and making new frenz but i crave for a more deeper, meaningful relationship... ah, enough about this... geezz, i sound like an old sarcastic bastard.. crap.. i forgot wat i was goin 2 write next.. its so like me ya? its like the time i forgot to bring a dvd to a fren.. hahaha she had 2 wait till before the start of the of school break (in march or feb) before she got it.. she still hasnt returned it tho.. i forgot 2 ask.. oh well, its only a $3 dvd.. its not like i really need it back or somethin.. damn some people still have my stuff.. cds, shirts, notes, books... hahaha... well at least i can brag that i have possessions all over the world... yes!!! now i rememeber wat i wanted to write!!! i'm goin away peeps!!! not 2 the afterlife cause its way to early... i'm going home where the only contact with da outside world is thru astro... kidding... i just wont have time to write anymore until next semester... so dont be sad cause i'll recommend u something dat will keep u busy during my absence.. comics!!! download em at stoptazmo.com!!! there's like loads there so happy readin!!! since thats sorted out, lets continue with other matters... last night the most amazing thing happened... i kno how 2 play winning eleven!!! 4 those who dont know me, i suck at playin winning eleven.. i'm not joking.. i was so bad at it i lost to my uncle 7-0.. and he used nigeria... but last night i actually pressured some experienced player by almost winning!!!! yahoo!!! i'm so gonna practice playin it at home!!!! speakin of which i still have loads to pack up... mom pickin me up at 5pm some other... i wonder how i'll start writing my CV up.. i shoulda took note of the sample CV that H gave to chameleon... damn... i so need a job.. not because i actually need it but i just want more $ 2 spend!!! my lifestyle has so kicked up my expenses... i'm now labelled as a certified spendthrift... i kno, i kno, i should've been more careful, i should've not spend it on useless junk and yes i should try to remember how hard it is to get $.... but i cant help it!!! i have this urge 2 buy stuff just for the sake of havin it!!! no wonder my room is full of junk... i also hav the tendency of not throwing old stuff away... i have this bottle of perfume thats ord 9 years old!!! there's still like quite a lot of it left... god, i've got to learn to get a hold of myself... yes yes yes must get job, then get $, then spend $... hehehehe.... u kno i missed havin some1 special aroun.. i've been readin a profile on frenster and it touched me.. its been so long dat i'm afraid i cant give my all to dat person.. i feel dat dat certain part of me will slowly die off.. i'm afraid that my warmth to dat certain person will not be there.. some people say i'm 2 serious, i seem 2 angry... when u love someone, it shapes u.. it teaches u how to give comfort, how to give support, how to give it your all... in return u will receive the same.. its a beautiful thing... for me, it is no more... i've ord lost it.. instead i've taken to listening 2 da problem of others... there r people in this world who've really got it bad... trust me i kno.. believe it or not, quite a few ppl have confided and consulted me for advise, academic or personal.. so now i'm proposing an agreement 2 all of u who read this... since u have taken your time 2 read my postings, i, in turn will give up my time 2 listen 2 your woes.. thats right, i can be your confidant.. u can tell or ask me anything u like and i'll promise i'll keep it a secret.. some people say i should charge 4 my services but i choose not 2 because if everyone had 2 pay 2 get someone to listen 2 them, people who cant afford 2 will be neglected... i've made a lot of mistekes in my lifetime... 2 many in fact... i grew up with out havin someone who i can talk to, tell all my secrets, share all my woes and happiness... but someone saved me... a total stranger, who listened without judging, without bias, without discrimination... so now i'm returning da favor back... i'm all ears to all of u.... i'll try 2 be there whenever u need me... thats a promise... well peeps i gtg.. got stuff to pack and things to do... adios... bless u all... see ya whenever i get back!!!!!

4 May 2005 (Happiness)

these past few days have been a whirlwind of wierd but delightful events... both N and i have realised something.. we're both falling for each other.. 4 those who know us, its a very unlikely event... i dunno how it happened.. first she asked me if a girl was 2 tell me dat she's falling for me, wat would i say and do... u see for the past few days i've been thinkin whether or not i am falling for her.. da funny thing was i was going to ask her the same question.. anyway, i told her dat it would depend on who it was and then i asked her wat would she do and say if the same thing happened to her.. well wouldnt u kno it her answer was the same as mine.. then i asked her why did she me dat question and was she thinking about the same thing.. and yes she was.. so the both of us we're thinking bout the same thing but she got 2 me first since i didnt have much cred... hahaha.. regardless of wat happened, last night we talked on the phone again.. it kinda felt ackward at first.. there were moments of silence.. i was thinking of breakin the ice but somehow she got 2 it first.. then we started talking bout stupid stuff but then our conversation somehow got serious.. last night we were practically flirting and getting to know each other... my god!! if chameleon or Z or anyone found out, they're gonna freak!! they're gonna be so like " i told u so!!"... then we started to talk about how we like to treat our spouses and other stuff which is 2 explicit to mention on this page... finally both of us decided that we wouldnt mention this 2 anyone.. N is probably talkin 2 chameleon rigggghhhttt nnnnooooowwwww.... but for wat its worth, i actually feel happy... i have no regrets... well its still 2 early to be sure of anything but this relationship is gonna get interesting... hehehe... well i guess dats it peeps!! adios!!!