26th August 2006 "I'm fed up!"

i'm fed up.... thats the title of a song by a french singer, Alizee... in french they say j'en ai marre... listening to it, it gave me some truth about somethings in my life.... the song is sang for and meant for girls... here's the full lyrics of it..

Bubbles and water
Legs up for hours
My goldfish is under me
To bathe for hours
Makes my mouth water
I’m “foamely” ecstatic

It’s not a problem
I lazy ‘round
Bubbly and stubborn
I lazy ‘round
Melon and water
Is just a dream
It makes me wonder
Is it a “sin” ?

Bubbles and water
Legs up for hours
“Bombs”, you keep away from me!

Today lying low
Twisting up my toes
I swim in such harmony
So what bothers me:

Chorus :
I’m fed up with loneliness
With my uncle overstressed
Fumbling, crawling for something
That never shows, just a dream.
I’m fed up with creeps crying
Over the past, such a sin
Not to be cool, but a fool
If I could mess up their rules.
I’m fed up with your complaints
Baby, well I’m not a saint!
Fed up with the rain, the plane…
That makes me throw up again.
I’m fed up with all cynics
Bathing caps and all critics
I’m fed up with being fed up! Poor me !

Bubbles and water
Legs up for hours
My goldfish still under me!
Delight of pleasures
Aquatic treasures
A place out of misery, my fantasy

Chorus :
I’m fed up with loneliness
With my uncle overstressed
Fumbling, crawling for something
That never shows, just a dream.
I’m fed up with creeps crying
Over the past, such a sin
Not to be cool, but a fool
If I could mess up their rules.
I’m fed up with your complaints
Baby, well I’m not a saint!
Fed up with the rain, the plane…
That makes me throw up again.
I’m fed up with all cynics
Bathing caps and all critics
I’m fed up with being fed up! Poor me !

I’m fed up with loneliness
With my uncle overstressed
Fumbling, crawling for something
That never shows, just a dream.
I’m fed up with creeps crying
Over the past, such a sin
Not to be cool, but a fool
If I could mess up their rules.
I’m fed up with your complaints
Baby, well I’m not a saint!
Fed up with the rain, the plane…
That makes me throw up again.
I’m fed up with all cynics
Bathing caps and all critics
I’m fed up with being fed up!

well, at first glance it might seem like a very dirty song... to be honest, i practically laughed when i heard the english version of this song.. the french one sounded nicer but since i was curious of what she was singing about... well you get the picture.... lol! for all of you out there who cant be bother to contemplate what i meant about the truths about this song... it would be my pleasure to enlighten you... the important piece of the song is the chorus... notice that the chorus is sang over and over? once you read it over, its not that hard to realise the meaning of it... i'm fed up with being fed up.... its about someone who is fed up with people judging, criticising, forcing someone to do things that they dont want to... its also about being able to be who you are and making people understand that you are what you are.... nothing could change that.... unless god wills it....

for all of you who were curios enough to check this song out... the video is pretty sexy and hot... i mean seriously hot.... turns out this girl alizee is actually quite young and quite married at the age of 22...with one kid mind you... what makes it even wierder is that a fren of mine did mention her name to me a few years back... quite a coincedence eh?

even though the song is clearly meant for girls, i cant help but feel that i have the same point of view... why do people criticise? why do people judge? why do people force? is it our nature to have that sort of tendencies towards others? why do we tend to try our best to affect others to bend to our will?? i've met and known people who are like that... they live by the rule "its my way or the highway"....their reasons for doing so? "do onto other before it is done onto you".... so does that mean, you must do harm to other before they can do harm to you?? thats a question no one can answer... humans are very complicated creatures... some people do the darnest things to get attention... the stunt done onto me left me speechless... i still cant comprehend her feelings... is it mere coincedence? i hope so... i dont like being the cause of pain... it weighs on my soul like an anchor... bringing me down...the seven sins.. superbia (hubris/pride), avaritia (avarice/greed), luxuria (extravagance, later lust), invidia (envy), gula (gluttony), ira (wrath), and acedia (sloth)... i've done my best to curb these from myself... being reserved.. as my mother would say, " dont be so kepoh about other people! mind your own business!".... i try to keep my nose clean.... when people are busy doing something or are with someone, i leave them be... turns out some people get the wrong picture... they tend to label me as being cold, hostile, offensive.... it cant be helped no matter how much i try.... we are human, thus we act like so....

my life now, is pretty calm.... managable responsibilities... relaxed life... however there is still an emptyness inside of me... a longing as some people would describe it... the need to have someone special in your life... its the kind of thing that cant be ignored cause it will literally eat your soul... some people say i'm too picky... i have to agree with them... when i dont the slightest feeling of love for them, it would just be a kind of torture for both sides... knowing that that person doesnt love you and the fact that that person is in love with someone else... i'm the kind of person who would do anything for that special person... not caring the price or suffering i have to go thru... the greatest gift i can give is my undivided attention.. not money, not luxury... i have a confession to make, here and now.... the reason why i left my ex was because she didnt want my attention... she was in pain of a headache.. i wanted to comfort her and help ease the pain anyway i can... but... she brushed me off.. when i got close she just ran away from me... imagine the one you care about practically running away from you and strongly refusing your help... now imagine that happening 3 times in a row... thats what happened.... i couldnt take it.. so, i broke it off... some people thought it was harsh.. even my mother thought so... but when you think about, if this is going to happen often in the future, which option would you choose?? living together, knowing that problems like this will be recurring and being powerless against it? i would suppose you could choose a fate other than that.... however, thats not to say that she was the only one at fault.... i too was at fault... my method of breaking up with her was harsh... i gave her the coldest treatment ever... i did not smile, i did not speak, i did not say hi, i did not do anything with her, towards her... nothing.... i can only imagine how bad i broke her heart... she wrote me a letter and included some pictures of us together.... i didnt read the letter for months nor did i look at the pictures.. all i could picture was her, running away from me.... everytime i saw that, rage boiled inside me.... finally, one of my frenz decided to open the letter and read it to me... out of impulse of rage, i burnt the letter and the pictures.... yes... i burnt them... stupid me... all i have left of our relationship was a shirt she gave me and a ring with an engraving on it... both gifts lost.... do i have regrets? yes i do, who wouldnt? she was a beautiful girl but she was not destined to be with me... after breaking up and it still holds until now... i have not been able to have a serious relationship... i have some speculation as to what might cause it but i'm still not sure... hav i been cursed? maybe.. it is gods punishment for treating my ex? maybe... now the feeling of longing is gnawing at my soul..... me being unable to quench it.....

as i write these words on this page, i keep on thinking about things that have gone in the past... the brave things, the sweet things, the stupid things.... thinking about how i couldve done better at this or that.... thinking about how i couldve prevented things from happening... thinking about the different life i would lead.... my times of need, my times of joy, my times of sadness.... these past few days have been very eventful... there is a special someone out there that made me write this post.... have i caused you pain?? have i been cold to you?? i dont mean to be like that!!! even now i'm still unsure whether or not it is really my fault... the truth is... i'm scared and angry at the sametime... angry at the fact that you didnt tell me in my face... scared of the fact that it is my fault to begin with.... the question is... do you want me, or dont you? i still want you and i always will.... the proof? i've not tried to or attempted to go out with another girl ever since i met you.... most of my frenz say its best to move on and i've tried.... god knows i've tried.... tried hanging out with more and more people.. i've tried not caring what you do and what your activities are.... but i still cant block you out... finally i just gave up blocking... gave up not thinking bout you...... i just cant... silently, i watch... this song reminds me of you...

You're just too good to be true
I can't keep my eyes off you
You feel like heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much

At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off you

Pardon the way that I stare
There's nothing else to compare
The sight of you makes me weak
There are no words left to speak

But if you feel like I feel
Please let me know that it's real
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off you

I love you, baby
And if it's quite all right
I need you, baby
To warm the lonely nights
I love you, baby
Trust in me when I say
Oh, pretty baby
Don't bring me down, I pray
Oh, pretty baby
Now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby
Let me love you

You're just too good to be true
I can't keep my eyes off you
You feel like heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much

At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off you

I love you, baby
And if it's quite all right
I need you, baby
To warm the lonely nights
I love you, baby
Trust in me when I say
Oh, pretty baby
Don't bring me down, I pray
Oh, pretty baby
Now that I found this day
Let me love you, baby
Let me love you

to those of you who are curious as to who this girl is.... that i shall not reveal.... time will do that... its time to start a new chapter.... whether this girl wants to be a part of it or not is entirely up to her... there is a fair chance that she might be reading this.... considering that we know each other... if you are reading this, know this... it was you who chose to remain frenz, i try to offer help anyway i can but most of the time it is refused, i try to get to know you but you refuse to talk, i gave misscalls but most of the time they're not returned, i gave msgs but they were not replied.... i'm constantly reminded of you... i need you... i've always needed you..... if this blog does not get aired, that would mean that i'm just too scared.. but if this blog does get published, that means i hope for the girl to give me a sign... anything... i want to be a part of her life... this post might be the corniest thing i've ever written EVER but thats just how i am.. a hopeless romantic... i hope to hear from you dear..... i really do.................................