hello peeps..... i dunno why i'm writing right now..... all my other posts were written for a reason.... i couldnt even decide wat title to put on this one... so i just put a name of a song by ayumi hamasaki...
i dont know what i'm feeling right now.... shud i continue writing this? maybe.... there's something that i cant put my finger on thats bugging me..... and i've been contemplating this for quite a while... remember me saying about da void in my soul?? right now i'm not sure wat it wants right now.... everyday passes, with stuff to do but ........ i wonder sometimes....... is this wat i want? am i fulfilling my purpose or someone else's purpose? i've got my friends.... i've got my money... i've got material things.... i've got dreams.... but in the end..... is that all? there's got to be more to life than just living and then dying..... i kno i might sound like i'm talking nonsense but.... thats wat i feel right now.... to tell u da truth..... i want to die..... haha dont worry! i'm not suicidal but i wonder about wat happens after you die.... is there really something waiting for me there? there's talk of heaven and hell... there's talk of reincarnation... maybe wat i'm feeling right now is one of those phases that people go thru at least once in their life... the feeling of unfulfillment.... the disatisfaction of just merely living..... had a talk a few days ago with my friend about life in general.... what he said got me thinking about my life, what i've done and my plans.... he said life is full of uncertainty.... all u can do is make the most of it and take in the good.... u cant judge people from just one point of view... people are unpredictable... people can hurt others... people can make others happy.... sigh..... at this moment in time, i believe in god..... i really do... this is the only certain thing i know.... people may mock or be surprised at the changes they see... its understandable... people judge u from your past actions... they dont know what i'm going thru right now... only 2 know... my friend and god..... he was quite surprised to hear it..... he knows wat i must do.... wat i can do is evolve.... hah! i'm taking the title into account now... yes... evolution.... i need to become more than just human... not a god but just more.... i want to break free from my constraints that i have right now..... i still yet to achieve freedom in my perspective... hah, i might sound like a blasphemer.... talking about beeing something more than wat god has created himself.... but in the book of god it also says that god is all giving to his servants.... so maybe it is possible.........
well i gtg.... got to do stufff.... part 1 complete... still more to do.... see ya for now...
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